One of those day.

Today started out on a good note.  Yesterday, when I got to the gym one of the trainers ask me when the last time I did an assessment.  I am honest to a fault so I said June, like it was last month.  Since it has almost been a year  since I got to hold what looks like a joy stick and weigh in on the scale while the gym is full- I gave in . The guy scheduled me  for an assessment today.

I really was OK with getting on the scale while everyone was there.  It has been a while since I have weighted in. I guess I  anticipated I made more  progress. After he talked about some of the things a personal trainer can offer to increase my progress; I weighed in.  I was disappointed in my self.  It has been a while since I was weighed and there was only a one pound loss (yeah, I typed that out because it is less than ten ). I sat and listened to his entire pitch of the science of weight loss and importance of proper nutrients.  In the end, I didn't want a personal trainer because I couldn't afford one in the first place.

Once that was all squared away, I had time to think.  I would say I had time to process the information and the numbers he had provided.  (Or it is more likely, this is where the enemy took the opportunity to move in)  It was actually me over analyzing, like I do.  The numbers said:  The journey seems overwhelming. It feels as though my goal is so far away. I lost focus. ( I took my eyes off my Savior) I started thinking to my self  "All, this time, and my progress has only been one pound.  Why am I doing this? I have been doing this for almost a year and this is the type of progress I am having?"  I was utterly disappointed with myself.

When I left, there was song playing on the radio. I couldn't hold it together anymore, I broke down and cried.  The song was "More beautiful You" by Johnny Diaz.  I am beyond frustrated with my weight. I think I cried because I felt the song was God's way of saying : Don't  give up; I am right here.

No matter what the numbers say, I know I will always have my Savior to pull me through when I'm having "One of those Days".








Endomorph macro nutrient ratio:

. . . . " in my Father's arms; in His time. "

Update: Catch is back.  Yes, I  was getting equipment to do some strength training and I looked up to see his tall, sexy dark features. It will soon be a year since the first time I laid eyes on  him. It is sad and bordering on pathetic I don't know any more about him, than I did almost a year ago.   He still grabs my interest every time he walks in the room.  I still have not said two words to him, nor do I know his name. I probably never will. I know the confidence to approach him will not be there until I am within reach of my target weight.  No one likes rejection, this is how I feel this will turn out should I venture to take a chance. Just going to stay in my lane and do what I do best: Me.

I have to confess I have a weakness many people don't know about.  My weakness is a good smelling man. I don't know what it is, but the right smelling cologne is like Superman's "kryptonite" for me and I am done; weak at the knees and all.   I was in my local Trader Joe's on one of my routine visits and I turned the corner to go down the next aisle and smelled the most amazing man.  I couldn't see him because He had just turned the corner. I tried catching up to him so I could get in a full good whiff before he realized.  When I turned the corner I didn't expect to see a grand father that had probably gotten it as a gift from one of his grand kids. He was with a woman ,so I got my whiff and moved on. At my church Wednesday we had communion, so we had the little cups left over.  One of the deacons was at the back of the church collecting the cups.  He smelled so good  I wanted to turn around and go back inside to get another whiff.  I kept it moving though, I didn't want to be thinking anything I shouldn't in church of all places.

I started this blog to chronicle my weight loss journey. Each blog post I try and write something about my journey.  I also try and change things up regularly, to stay motivated mostly. This  time I was unsure what  to write about.  I have talked about the physical side and the eating side.  I think it may be time to address the emotional side. I have been mulling around this idea; and now I have the opportunity to act on it.  I was unsure, and then I got a fortune cookie that read:

I also try and write about my Savior each time I submit a post.  I am at a place right now in my relationship with Him that I have never been before.  You would have to know that I have been classified as single, and passively looking  for some time.  Lately, I have found myself more conscience of my desire to find  my best friend; someone to love and to love me.  Right now, I feel as though I am wrapped comfortably in the arms of my Savior.  My Savior has provided anything and everything I could need and want.  He forgives for me, gives renewed mercies and loves me like I could have never imagined.  I asked my Father to settle my spirit until He was ready to send the guy my Father wanted for me. I just feel so blessed and loved. I am thankful, for this time in His arms.  I am thankful for this time in His presence and getting to know my King  better. Who ever the guy is, I will gladly wait here in my Father's arms; in His time.  

". . . while it was still dark. . . "

Worship Night In America, NYC: Madison Square Gardens. I want to go.  Its Saturday,August 8th.  I have a goal and target in sight.  I can fly in Friday night and  back Monday morning. That is a hotel for the weekend.  This gives me 4 months to get to drop another 30 lbs. This can be done. 

I want you to go with me. 

This year, like all the others, my church held three services on Easter.  Normally, we have two Sunday services: 9:30 am and 11 am.  I am a regular to the 11 am service. When my church requested the members that had been attending a while come to the 7:30 am service for Easter, I initially shot down the idea in my head ( This was what took place in previous years).  I don't know if my spiritual walk has matured or if God just put it on my heart.  I thought twice. I went to the bible ( when in doubt , what better place to go? ):Matthew 28:1; Luke 24:1; John 20:1.  All of them say the same; Mary Magdalene went   "at dawn";" early in the morning"; "while it was still dark" to the tomb. So I went to the 7:30 am service. I am glad I did, there was  pleasant surprise. 

I am now motivated to try and make it to athletic training earlier. My cousin has jumped on the co-signing bandwagon trying to convince me to come to the 5 am training.  My only argument is that it is 5 am, not even the rooster are awake at that hour.  Since, this is not a valid reason, I am going to try this week to make it to the 5 am training. Stay posted. 

I haven't seen Catch all week, I seen him once when I came back from Denver-but not since. Maybe this is a good thing.  I was really enjoying seeing him whenever I would go to the gym.  Perhaps, I enjoy seeing him work out a little too much and this a needed break.