Merry Christmas. . . looking forward to the new year!

       This is going to be another of my attempts at being transparent or vulnerable. I am told this
 should be done more often as I tend to not do it at all.  I don't apparently communicate with others often enough. So, I am going to try and work on this.  Well this week I was informed a  guy I was interested in getting to know was in fact engaged.  Yeah, I was disappointed, but if it gives you any in site into who I am.  I have a different crush every month. I talk to Abba, my Father about it and you know what He put on my heart?  It was because I have something better for you, someone just for you. He placed on my heart that I should be happy for them and continue to wait on my Savior.  I then said a prayer of blessing over their union.  I asked that their marriage be filled with God's love, mercy and grace; and He is in every aspect of their marriage.  I pray they are fruitful and bring as many babies (love me some  babies)up in the way of the Lord as they desire. As I ended the prayer in "In Jesus name, Amen" I though to myself; This is why I adore my King. He knows exactly what I need. 

This year I volunteered for a concert in town.  A local church hosted the Very Merry Christmas tour.  I try to volunteer during the Christmas holidays.  It was a good thing I volunteered at the church.  My plan was to volunteer at the homeless shelter, but there have been some changes to the process. I did not know a background check had to be done. Apparently they want to make sure you want to help and not put these people in potential danger. There was not enough time when I contacted the shelter. The concert was amazing though,. The headline bands were Newsong, Plumb and Building 429.  The presence of the Savior was felt in spite of attempts made other wise. 


 I spent Christmas Eve just over the Georgia line; on a lake talking about guys, having drinks and forgetting all the uncertainty around me. My daughter insisted I not spend Christmas alone this year and made sure by following up with calls all day.  After I was up and made breakfast, I went and visited a friend and brought along a "To-go" container.  I like taking these containers with me when I know I am going somewhere and there will be left overs.  I met someone who had recently moved into town, and did not want to have Christmas dinner alone.  I can understand that feeling, so I met them for the first time at Christmas dinner. That was very nice, the guy was a complete gentleman.  I ended the night at a long time friends house watching the first full moon on Christmas in my life time.  The moon reminded me of myself: mystery, intrigue, elusive and engulfed in a fog of the Saviors arms. 

Yes, I am aware I have not yet mentioned fitness status or goals.  Ok, well, here goes.  Of course for the holidays I have not been eating as I should.  The anxiety of being alone for the holidays has been looming.  I find myself eating more when I am not hungry.  This has helped me though.  I realize I need to stop and take a moment to see if I am hungry.  Analyze the last time I ate.  Determine where I am on a scale of full to stomach growling, I fall.  Then if it is determined I can go ahead and head, what do I choose to eat?  If it is determined I shouldn't eat, then what do I do?  The questions can be endless.  I want to try to get back to basics for the new year.  I want to start not eating anything after 8pm.  (I originally wanted to do 6pm, but since I don't finish at work until five o'clock, it would be good to start at eight and work up to six.)  I just thought to my self I can drink water after 8p, as I do not always get in the number of ounces per day as I should.  Nothing good to report with the gym either. I have slacked off down to 1 -2 times a week.  I need to work on coming up with other creative ways to work out.  This last week I walked around beautiful Cascades park with my daughter.  We both seemed to enjoy it so I will be trying to work in more walks. The skating ring near us has $2 Mondays.  I know this is something else we both like doing, skating also burns a ton of calories.  So that is the update.  I have become slack, but by no means have I given up.  I have come too far and am so grateful for the progress I have made thus far.  

I have added two things to my diet.  The first is cinnamon. "According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine, Cinnamon can be used to help treat muscle spasms, vomiting, diarrhea, infections, the common cold, loss of appetite, and erectile dysfunction (ED)." Diabetes, Alzheimer's, HIV, Multiple Sclerosis are some of the other diseases mention that cinnamon has health properties.  I consume about a 1/4 teaspoon each day.  I make iced hazelnut coffee each morning.  I brew a pot of coffee the night before with Cafe Bustelo espresso coffee and put in the fridge overnight.  The next morning I scoop 2-4 tablespoons of Spenda in my Tervis cup, first.  I sprinkle in cinnamon and mix, then I add Nestle hazelnut sugar free creamer to taste and then fill up with coffee.  I love to add ice cubes to have cold until lunch.  Deelish!  The second is Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV).  Oh my does this stuff have host of health benefits. You should look this one up yourself.  My mom used to drink this, I came across it often in my attempts to steal my moms fresh glass of water she poured.  It definitely has to be diluted.  I used about 3/4 of a cap for 20-24oz water.  Its like having lemon water, you get a different flavor than boring water.  



  I highly encourage you to look into how you can incorporate the health benefits into your life.  


I was so glad when my local radio station went back to playing praise and worship music.  There was a new song by Chris Tomlin that I thought would be most appropriate for this time of year.  The song is perfect for Christmas and the hope of a New Year:

Chris Tomlin - He Shall Reign Forevermore (Live).

For 2016 I pray the blessing of hope for all.  I pray that you never give up and know you may always seek refuge in the arms of the Savior. 

B.E.D.

I recently made a visit to the doctor's office.  While in the waiting room I notice a stack of up right magazines entitled Guide to Binge Eating Disorder. I found it ironic because I had never planned to go to the doctor's office, but God had the actual plans.  I learned a great deal more about this condition and what can be done.  I realized it is possible my binge eating is due to anxiety.  B. E. D is a often a coping mechanism. This disorder is not so uncommon. I learned that talking about this disorder will help.  

The first article reads What is binge eating disorder? : Learn about the most common eating disorder in the Unites States. The article starts out giving in site into how binge eating is  triggered. In the article it was holding feelings in, instead of talking about a bad break up in high school. "Its not just the frequent binges that characterizes B. E. D, but how a person feels in the throes of the episode".  Next the article addressed the emotional aspect, the embarrassment or shame associated with this disorder. This is going to be one of those moments where I am going to be open and vulnerable or transparent.  I have felt a deep since of shame when it comes to this disorder.  Like the article states, immense embarrassment and shame ". . compels suffers to binge in private".  The article talks more about: What's behind B.E.D, The toll it takes, and how to get help.   The last section is aptly titled : Finding your way to take back control!.  This section is a bit more in dept about each of the options for help: Psychotherapy, Nutritional counseling and Medication. 

When I first started this blog I looked into documentaries about Overeating and Binge Eating Disorders.  Many of the initial videos were documentaries being conducted in the UK or other countries.  This video was the latest I have found and this was done here in the States.

WOMEN’S HEALTH 
Help Wanted RESEARCH SHOWS THAT VOLUNTEERING IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH
If you’ve ever served Thanksgiving dinner at a homeless shelter, rung the bell for the Salvation Army, or written a check to a favorite charity, you probably recall the calm glow of satisfaction social scientists call the “helper’s high.” But do such acts of generosity have lasting physical benefits? Yes, says Stephen G. Post, PhD, a professor of preventive medicine at Stony Brook University and author of The Hidden Gifts of Helping: How the Power of Giving, Compassion, and Hope Can Get Us Through Hard Times. Recent studies show people who volunteer regularly have healthier hearts, less chronic pain, and bolstered immune systems. They battle addiction better and are less likely to suffer dementia with age. They also live longer. “The science is exploding,” Post says. “We have begun to discover that there is something going on, physiologically, in this process of helping others that makes people not only feel happier but also report greater health.” As far back as 1988, an informal analysis of 1,700 female volunteers found that 68% reported a sense of calm after volunteering, akin to what they got from exercise. Decades later, studies used magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) to track brain activity to explain why. One NIH study of 19 people found that merely cutting a check to charity lights up the mesolimbic reward system (the same brain region that fires when we eat, have sex, or receive money), igniting a flood of dopamine and other feel-good chemicals. When that generosity is practiced face-toface, levels of oxytocin (the calming hormone released when a mother nurses her infant) and pain-killing endorphins also rise, Post says. Meanwhile, as we shift our minds away from our own troubles to focus on others’ needs, levels of stress hormones like cortisol—long known to be hard on the cardiovascular system—fall. One 2013 study of 1,654 older adults found that those who volunteered at least 200 hours per year were 40% less likely to develop high blood pressure than non-volunteers. An evolutionary reason may explain why our reward centers light up when we help someone else. Working in a team, Post and others say, could very well have helped us survive as a species. Some even suggest women’s innate tendency to “tend and befriend” rather than fight or fly in times of crisis could, by buffering stress hormones, partially account for why women live longer than men.    

FEELING GOOD HERE ARE THE BEST WAYS TO GET THE MOST OUT OF VOLUNTEERING, SAYS STEPHEN POST, PHD: Help others get through something you’ve gone through. Studies show recovering alcoholics are twice as likely to stay sober when they help other recovering alcoholics, and chronic pain sufferers see their pain decrease when they help someone with a similar condition. Do what you’re good at. When volunteers feel like they’re just in the way, the experience can backfire and boost their stress. Choose a volunteer opportunity where you can make a real contribution. Mean it. Those who contribute to organizations they’re passionate about see stronger physiological responses. “Motivation matters,” Post says. “When people are genuinely altruistic in their actions, they have a better response.”

Marshall, Lisa;  Help Wanted RESEARCH SHOWS THAT VOLUNTEERING IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH, WebMD, November/December 2015: 15. Print




Nature’s Call:
A walk through the woods may be a boon for your mental health. A new study suggests that spending time in a natural setting can keep negative thoughts at bay and ward off mental illness. In the study, published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, people who took a 90-minute walk through a natural setting reported fewer negative thoughts than those who strolled in an urban environment. You can benefit from connecting with nature in many ways, says Ellen Albertson, PhD, a psychologist and certified Wellcoach. Walk through a park, forest, or botanical garden. Plant a small tree. Go birding. Lay out a blanket and gaze up at the stars. The trick is to be mindful. “Leave your cellphone at home or in your car, find a place you are drawn to, relax, and observe your surroundings,” Albertson says. Smell the trees. Observe the changing leaves. And don’t let a dip in temperature hold you back. Dress in layers. Proper footwear, a hat, and gloves will keep you warm and dry.—Kara Mayer Robinson



My normal radio station has switched to all Christmas music at the end of last week.  I wanted to call and let them know I wasn't ready, lol.  I was going to be ready after Thanksgiving.  Even if we would have eased into Christmas songs;  you know maybe work in some regular praise and worship songs.   However we just went from: 

  Straight to all Christmas music.  Which don't get me wrong I like.  Just now, there is hardly a chance to give praise.  I hear a praise song worked in every now and then, which I will need to focus on and be grateful.   With my praise and worship music gone until the new year, I'm going to have to work hard at not becoming a grumpy Scrooge. :)

Going to be on the look out for  a new 25lbs. Kettle ball this Black Friday to do these workouts. 

and

Church Picnic

Gratitude and adoration for my King and Savior, Jesus Christ. I placed my heart at my Savior's feet and sit back and watch in awe as He lovingly puts the pieces back together. Today was an eloquent display of that at our Church picnic.  Thanks and praise to the Father for the time spent in fellowship with "the Body of Christ. Shane has come so far, I look forward to his Wednesday night views from a human perspective. Linda's minor prophet class is great,  I love the structure and order.  Her method for teaching drives my desire to learn more. The Worship team, our worship team speaks for itself, a melodious praise unto our Father.  There is no better feeling than that of being in the arms of your Savior.  I thank my King for loving me patiently and deliberately. I give this praise in the Son Jesus Christ name.  Amen 

I have made it a point to make a conscious effort to spend more time with the Lord.  More time on our relationship and communication with my Savior. The above post was a prayer praise I posted.
I do not know how to explain where I am right now with my life.  There are aspects that leave me confused and frustrated, but I know my Savior is with me.  I know He will always be there for me.
I have laid my heart at His feet and asked for His peace to wash  over me.  He has taken my heart and settled my restless spirit.

There is one song that would be the bast description of where I am in my life right now.

I know it has been a long time since I have posted and there has not been anything about health and fitness.  There are things that need to be addressed first.  I needed to do a self check and inventory of my strength, my personal relationship with the King Jesus Christ.  If this relationship is not in line and there is not open communication it is going to make any thing you are facing insurmountable.   I am still going to the gym as many times as possible.  I am using the general formula: Cardio ( to get heart rate up), Strength/ Core training ( to prolong calorie burning time) and cool down/stretch ( because if you don't, you will regret it later).  

Depression had been seeping in, and I was losing a handle on my perspective.  I went to Jesus in prayer, because things were becoming overwhelming.  He answered my prayers by giving me the opportunity to serve.  I will be serving as a Stage Hand in an upcoming concert. Jesus knew just what I need and exactly the right time.  His love is undeniable. To God be the glory.

Introverted.

I'm back.  Yes, It has been awhile since I have blogged, I have been trying to keep myself busy.  Busy I have been.

Ok, so at this new gym I have figured out a definite formula for workouts that work best for me. But before I go on, I have to talk about an especially memorable trip to the gym. I am a stick my earbuds in and rock out until you knock this out kind of person at the gym.  You will find me totally in the zone, unless there is some interesting eye candy,  of course, or I am there with a buddy. This particular day was a usual.  I did my 15 minutes on the power mill to get my heart rate up and headed to the open room to do some strength training.  There was an older guy, who appeared to be doing some personal training with another gentleman.  I presume he did not think what I had selected to do for the day was sufficient.  He politely got my attention and instructed me on how to do some core exercises.  He showed me four, and told me to how to many sets, reps, and frequency each week.  I needed to change things up so I did what he said.  Two weeks later, I am getting comments from co -workers it appears I am slimming in the area I most want: my mid section. For the up coming week I am going to try and increase the number of reps.  I still have this wedding in about a week. So my current work out, thanks to the guy at the guy who provided me what he thought i should be doing.

15 minutes on the power mill  (The stair stepper).  I was starting on a 3 setting, now I start on four and try to increase every 5 minutes to reach 7.

The four excercises the guy gave me were:

 

I also added one more to make the fourth:

      and    to keep my heart rate up.  This lasts for a total of 20 minutes.
I finalized my work outs with a 15 minute cool down and stretch.  I am reminded at 3 am the importance of stretching before and after a workout. Cool down would be either on low setting on treadmill or stationary bike.


I have come up with great at home work out for those days I stay in.  Everyone around me is looking forward to the cold weather change.  I kind of like the feeling of living on an island all year round, personally.

My at home work out:

  Which is 15 minutes along with the following video, which is 20 minutes:

I trying to find someone to go with me to the gym, kind of like a buddy to keep me accountable. I can bring a friend on my membership for free; I have one person that goes with me on Tuesdays.  Praying for a gym buddy for Thursday, Friday (this is a optional date night) and Saturday.

Something new

Well, yesterday was my last day seeing "Catch".  I have changed gyms. I have also gotten  in trouble and took a vacation back to my hometown.  A lot has happened.

I cancelled my subscription to my old gym yesterday; after I made one last visit on Monday to see Catch.  I was taking a chance since I hadn't seen him lately. Sure enough, he was there;  even got on the rowing machine for me.  On the cancellation form,  the gym asked what was my favorite part of the gym.  I told them " My gym eye candy Catch".

I got myself into a bit of trouble, but got through it-Thank God.  No one is perfect, and I know I am at the top of the sinner list. You live and you learn.

I went back to my home town for the fourth of July weekend.  I am always spoiled with home cooked meals. This was dinner Friday night:

I visited my friends new home and made some fireworks of my own on the fourth of July.  ;).

One of my favorite places to visit is Ballast Point Pier.  A trip home, just isn't a trip home without a visit to the Pier.  

Of course I have to make a stop a my favorite bakery: Alessi bakery on Cypress before I left town.

Such nostalgia for me.

So today as I was working out, a thought came to me.   I haven't been tracking my work outs.   I don't like writing things down.  Since this blog is for fitness and work out, why not use the blog to track my fitness.  My formula for work outs now are 15 mins cardio>30 minutes strength training >15 minute cool down. The gym has a 30 minute circuit area.  Machines against the wall and steppers in front.  This weeks workout:

15 minutes on the stair climber ( Also known as the scare climber; 10 minutes for me is murder)

Express circuit for 30 minutes:

                  Alternating doing stepper for 1 set of 15 repetitions  with one set on the corresponding machine against the wall:

Leg press  

V-Step

Step and curl

leg extension

Step and glute lift

Leg curl

Step and 

Alternating step

Step a

bicep curl

Step with high knee

Abs

 Last 15 minutes cool down on the elliptical.

I think I will try this workout for two weeks, see how long it can make me sweat the most. In the mean time I will be coming up with a new workout. 

My new healthy breakfast for this week is the Avocado Egg sandwich:

My favorite meal is breakfast so we will say the Avocado is the fruit of this post.  I also used it on deconstructed rotisserie chicken to make Avocado Rotisserie chicken salad. It is super healthy for you and well worth the trip home for lunch.

For dessert for the week I have a simple and classic recipe:

1 pkg of Strawberry jello

1 pkg sugar free Strawberry jello

2 cups boiling water

2 cups cold water

1 bag of dollar tree frozen mangos

So incredibly good.

  I ask for prayers for my Uncle Max.  He is 74 and in the hospital recovering from surgery.  Please keep him in your prayers for speedily recovery and release to go home.    

While I was at the gym, after I had just about finish, I heard a song that pushed the corners of my mouth upward and I had to smile.   This was the song, hope you enjoy it as much as I did. 

Lost

 I am struggling to deal with the recent events in Charleston, SC.  As I pray and look to my Savior for answers, He keeps putting these two scriptures on my heart.  ". . .Lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5) and  "Vengeance is mine says the Lord" (Roman 12:19)

This Sunday was Father's day.  My father was not in my life.  We were estranged most of my life, he died July 4th 2013. This is probably where by issues with guys and relationships originates. Don't get me wrong, my Savior put some incredible men in my life: my Uncle, my step dad and my friend Alyssa's dad. I just didn't grow up as a Daddy's girl. My Heavenly father, has always been there for me. Never left me to feel abandoned and always shown me love. Happy Father's Day to my Heavenly Father.

I have been posting this as an outlet for my constant struggle with overeating.  I want God to work through me, and this to be for His glory.  I sometimes get off track and have to remind or bring myself back into focus.  My goal is to live a healthier lifestyle that will result in the lose of weight.  I have been going to the gym and putting in hard work. I will admit, I have worked harder at certain times over others.  The physical aspect of this healthier life style, I can say I am maintaining. The other aspect-nutrient intake, consumption, or eating (A.k.a my favorite past time) has quite a bit more significance over the physical aspect than I had originally believed.   It had crossed my mind that the amount of calories and consumption of nutrients is an intricate part of the weight loss process. This was confirmed for me by an article:

To Lose Weight, Eating Less Is Far More Important Than Exercising More

The article made sense to me and reiterated what I had thought.  In looking for the article days later, I found it through the response to the article-which was not what I would have expected.

Responding to Readers’ Questions on Weight Loss


Since, I am wanting to focus more on the nutrient consumption, I am going to introduce a new recipe I am going to try for this week's meal prep.  Now, I have to say how I obtain the recipe.  I tried the salad for lunch from the salad bar at "local" Grocery chain. I saw this guy heap some on his plate, and meandered over to take a closer look. Once I had tried it, I instantly fell in love.  It wasn't sweet like I was hoping it wouldn't  be.  It was savory and crunchy and a little tangy.  I liked it so much that later I thought to myself, I want to know how to make Kale and Brussels sprout salad.

 

It is filled with fiber from the Brussels sprouts and the kale; not to mention the slivers of almonds and bacon.  The bacon being the best Apple-wood smoked Peppered Turkey Bacon  from Trader Joe's.  Back to the recipe .  So I got the idea to  call the Grocery store that I tried the salad and ask the deli if they will give me the recipe.  After a bit of a run around, that I thought might actually lead to them giving me the recipe-I was informed they were not able to give out the recipe. I tried, so looked for other avenues to obtain said recipe.   I have found a recipe and making it tonight. Right now my apartment is permeated with the smell of Applewood smoked Peppered Turkey bacon. I'm in heaven.

Sometimes this world is too much. It's overwhelming and I fear I will be lost. I hear songs like Francesca Battistelli: It's Your Life 

. . . And I find myself again-or better said, I feel like my Savior Jesus has found me before I am lost. 

Beach Baptism 2015

So this weekend was my church's annual beach baptism.  I was unsure if I was going to go this year because I had already been baptized and my daughter was baptized at our 2014 beach baptism.  However, I am a beach junkie so I took this opportunity to go and support my friend's son being baptized.    Of course it was great and I had a lot of fun. My favorite part of our church's beach baptism is my church rents a pavilion and supplies charcoal so we can BBQ-this is my favorite summer activity (I like BBQ so much, you can catch me still manning the grill at the beginning of Fall).   This year I decided to go all out with kabobs.   I made four different kinds: chicken, shrimp wrapped in bacon , steak and potatoes and pesto shrimp:

That is James in the background who was baptized on Saturday. 

I am from S. Tampa, FL.  Tampa has a lot of "Island " influence,   The islands that have the most impact on the culture are  Cuba, Haiti, Puerto Rico and the Caribbean.  There is such an impact, my mom made sure I took Spanish as a second language starting in middle school. One of my favorite dishes from the islands is Island Pigeon peas (gungoh peas) and rice.  Most of the recipes call for parboiled, white or yellow rice.  I can say I know my way around the kitchen, so what I am going to do for my meal prep for this week is attempt to make the Island pigeon peas and rice, but with brown rice.   There is an ingredient that many Island peas and rice recipes call for called a Scotch bonnet pepper.  I wondered  why only one pepper was called for in every recipe I looked at; I have learned Scotch bonnet pepper  sounds like a nice sweet name for a pepper that will literally set you on fire.   Most Scotch Bonnets have a Scoville  units ("is the measurement of the pungency - spicy heat of chilli peppers or other spicy foods as reported in Scoville heat units", "a function of capsaicin concentration" ) of 100,000-350,000.  Just to have something to compare this to jalapenos have a rating of 2,500-8,000 on the Scoville scale.   Though, I have heard high capsaicin concentration are good for you and boost your metabolism-I dislike spicy foods. So, I will be attempting to make this favorite Island dish but replace the rice with brown rice and cut down on the heat.  

That reminds me, please keep my "Coach" in your prayers.  This Saturday 6.13.15, my coach is cycling 68 miles (Yes, 68 miles; that was not a typo) to help raise awareness and cycle out obesity.  You can support the cause by donating To www.gofundme.com/CyclingTeam .  This man is an inspiration and motivation to all, though I doubt he has an ounce of fat on his body-he still uses Christ  and sets a positive example to cultivate physical activity and healthy relationships with food.  Our prays are with you Coach-you got this. 

It is not unknown, I am not the best at relationships.  I have arrived at one of my least favorite parts of a relationship-"the break-up".  It is my least favorite because  I have gotten comfortable, and now it is going to have to change.   I am breaking up because this new relationship offers more.  This new relationship is available 24/7 (anytime), and I need that because  I need  more attention than the average lady.  This new relationship offers massages, do you know how hard it is for a girl to get a massage now a days.  I like all the extra pampering.  I would be offering or bringing the same thing to the table-but would be getting a lot more.  I am breaking up with my current gym of one year.  I think it is time for a change in scenery and this new gym has chair and hydro massage.   I would like to just give them the one month notice  and have a smooth transition to the new gym-but from what I have heard it is not going to be that easy.  I have heard in the past by other members that when they tried to break up-monthly fees were still being taken out months later and they had to ultimately have the bank stop payment.   So I am wondering if I should just go to my bank first and tell them to stop payment ahead of time and then give the 30 day cancellation.   This way if they do not stop withdrawing from my account, I have already told my bank to stop allowing withdraws.   I just hate having to put this much thought into a break up, or any thought at all.  I am a very loyal person, so this makes me feel like  I am high tailing it for something better.  I wouldn't see "Catch" anymore, but I have been going to this gym for a year now and have yet to say two words to the man or find out his name.   There are also circumstance circling around why he may not even be right for me.   I do not know if he is even a Christian or loves the Lord.  

I seen the sexiest thing this weekend at the beach.  You would think with all the chest bearing men there it would be a guy jogging in just his swim trunks on the beach or jet skiing.  No, neither of those.  It was a guy sitting in a beach chair, holding a baby.  Not sure if this is attractive to me because I didn't grow up with my father in my life or because I want to have more kids but wont do so unless it is with the right guy.  It could be either, it could be a bit of both.   One thing I do know, this does not seen to be going away-but seems to becoming more and more attractive to see .  I think I will resolve not to leave my house for father's day.  (Not really)

I have some relationship guidelines, or parameters that I an considering redefining.  For example, my standard deviation or dating range is + or - 5 years.  Now this is just a standard, it can change based on circumstance and situations.  Another is rebound time.  If I have been dating an individual for 2 years, I am going to look to spend some time getting to know me again. (I tend to be all in when dating)  I would not be looking to start a relationship again in 3 weeks. How long would I wait?  I would not be able to say.  I guess it would be when God put it on my heart that he was done fixing and mending my heart, and was ready for me to show or pour out the love he has poured into me.  Which brings me to what I will be doing next week while my coach is cycling 68 miles.  "Lift Service Out" is a community outreach where we help out others in the community.  I am actually excited about this, getting to pour out some of the love my Savior has poured into me.  I have have never had to paint, but I am looking forward to do it this upcoming weekend.  Who knows God's plans?  All I know is if this is in His plan, I am ready for the adventure. 

Happy  28th  Birthday   J. D.

Took my eyes off Him for only a moment. . .

 Many have said to me that I need to be more open or transparent, be more approachable and "put myself out there". This is not what I hear, what I hear is make myself vulnerable. Keeping my distance alleviates having to deal with "the politics".  I dislike dealing with the unpleasantness of "politics".

This week theme keeps swirling around the the idea that I need to open up and make more friends. My Pastor kicked it off by going back and reminding me of our church's core values: Connect. Grow. Serve.  I have grown immensely, and I  serve. I will admit:When it comes to the connect part-there is a major disconnect when it comes to  me.  My uncle then tells me I need to be more friendly and open. The message on his church bulletin this Sunday  was Ecclesiastes: 4:9-12 The Value of a friend. He reminded me that I need to let God's light shine through me.

It used to perplex me  whenever I heard it mentioned: No man is an island. I get it now. I need to do something  to change and to try to be more open and available.  Deep sigh. For this, I will need to go to my Savior.

I seem to have taken my eyes off my Savior.  Though it may seem like briefly, it's enough time for things to feel as though they are falling apart.  Or so the enemy will have me believe.
The plans I had for the Danial Plan study has not gone quite the way  I had anticipated.  Originally, I wanted a support group for other dealing with overeating.  I wanted to have friends to call when I was stressed about life and standing on the ledge of  Death by Chocolate (Fudge brownie wedge between two layers of chocolate cake, held together by fudge icing). I wanted someone to talk to that understood and could understand the struggle I face daily.  I wanted to tell others of my struggle and how I thought I would never get to where I am now-but I continued.

A friend of mine wanted to go to the beach baptism my church is holding, so we are making a day of it. I am excited about the beach day. I am starting to second guess the new bathing suit, though.  I don't feel comfortable where I am at this time on my journey.  I know I am not going to be comfortable if I wear it.  This is a day I am blessed to get to spend at the beach with friends and family. I want to be comfortable and enjoy the day.  I am considering giving the bathing suit to my daughter so she has one for the summer and just being comfortable.

 I get the feeling Catch would not be looking for the same type of friendship l am seeking. I have not gotten any indication Catch even wants a friend, in the sense that I am meaning. When I say friend, I mean one like Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, a friend to watch the fireworks with this year on the 4th of July .  A friend to go to the gym and work out from time to time  This has been my trepidation. I have made it a habit of playing it safe and being cautious.   I do not think Catch wants the same.
What happened to dating, or getting to know another person . spending time enjoying one another' s company? This concept seems to have become extinct with the dinosaurs.

My eyes were off of my Savior.  Though, it may have been for only a brief moment.  I was distracted long enough.   I must now re- focus and look to Jesus; you can find me at the feet of my Savior.

I love the messages on church billboards, I think of them as little messages from God. ( He will use any means possible to speak to us) This week, there was one that said: A church is a gift from God, assembly required.   How appropriate for where I am in my walk right now.








                            If you see me at they gym, this is the song playing through my earbuds:

Love this song. 

Mother's Day

There is no better feeling than being in the arms of your Savior.  This is how I have felt lately.  Its as though all this time I have been trying to fill the emptiness in my heart with everything possible. In my case its food.  Most people try and fill the hole in their heart, in their life with the things we become slaves to: food, sex, alcohol, anything that will numb the pain.  What we are looking to replace is the love our Savior-which isn't possible.
My Father is working on me.  Yes, I am for sure a work in progress. I try and stay in His word to build our relationship,

My journey has been long in my goal to lose weight.  I have talked about food and eating healthy. I have talked about my many trips to the gym.  I have always felt the underlying issue needs to be reviewed also.  The entire reason I started this blog was to journal my journey and to come up with some sort of group support.  Well, I am happy to announce I finally got up the courage and have posed a bible study or over eaters support group to my church.  It was received well.  I posed it to our women's ministry leader and she is posing starting "The Daniel Plan" bible study.  Its not exactly an over eaters support group as I had envisioned-however, it's a start. When I look back on where this journey has started and where I am now.  I cant help but look to my Lord Jesus and smile.  Thank you.


My Mother's day was really good.  I went and visited my mother's grave-which was hard.  It also helped remember to continue to work toward progress.  

I remember where I have come from, where this journey has brought me from:

It is always nice to reflect on the journey.  This also gives me motivation to continue forward. 

My daughter usually spends the summer with her father.  I am leery of letting her go.  You see my ex-husband/ her father, does not eat what we eat.  He doesn't stay behind her about getting physical activity each day, and she ends up gaining weight. It would be nice if I could get get her into a summer camp that would keep her active during the day.  When I was younger it was NYSP: ( National Youth Sports Program).  We would do sports all day during the summer.  A summer program that does skating one day, swimming another day, field sports.  This would be something great for fitness and training clubs to start.  Kicked off by a summer BBQ.  I love BBQs and potlucks-they are just so family and homey. 

I had really been motivated to stay discipline for this last month.  My church holds a Beach baptism every year at St. George island.  I was looking forward because this is how I have been gauging my weight loss. I bought a two-piece bathing suit.  I said two piece-not bikini.  Every couple of weeks I would try it on to see if it fit any better.  I found out last week this year the baptism was going to be on June 6.  I was stoked and pumped things into high gear. My bubble was later burst when by daughter who was baptized at  last year Beach baptism, said she didn't want to go.  

I  have been going to my church  for over a decade and could not think of any place else to call home. There is a guy in church that has peaked my interest. I have a horrible track record with relationships.   It is going to take  a real man of God with some patience to get through to my heart. I don't want to possibly mess up being able to call my church home.  My church is where I lay at the feet of my Savior.   It is where I have laughed; where I have cried. I would be so lost. Calvary is where I take refuge from the world. I will keep praying about it. 

Catch was at the gym today.  He is wearing this new sexy vibrant blue.  Lord, I saw him on the pull up bar,  I am just going to tell you guys-anything on the pull up  bar is sexy. 

Well, I get I will set my goal on being two-piece bathing suit ready for the trip to NY at the end of the summer 8/8/2015.  

One of those day.

Today started out on a good note.  Yesterday, when I got to the gym one of the trainers ask me when the last time I did an assessment.  I am honest to a fault so I said June, like it was last month.  Since it has almost been a year  since I got to hold what looks like a joy stick and weigh in on the scale while the gym is full- I gave in . The guy scheduled me  for an assessment today.

I really was OK with getting on the scale while everyone was there.  It has been a while since I have weighted in. I guess I  anticipated I made more  progress. After he talked about some of the things a personal trainer can offer to increase my progress; I weighed in.  I was disappointed in my self.  It has been a while since I was weighed and there was only a one pound loss (yeah, I typed that out because it is less than ten ). I sat and listened to his entire pitch of the science of weight loss and importance of proper nutrients.  In the end, I didn't want a personal trainer because I couldn't afford one in the first place.

Once that was all squared away, I had time to think.  I would say I had time to process the information and the numbers he had provided.  (Or it is more likely, this is where the enemy took the opportunity to move in)  It was actually me over analyzing, like I do.  The numbers said:  The journey seems overwhelming. It feels as though my goal is so far away. I lost focus. ( I took my eyes off my Savior) I started thinking to my self  "All, this time, and my progress has only been one pound.  Why am I doing this? I have been doing this for almost a year and this is the type of progress I am having?"  I was utterly disappointed with myself.

When I left, there was song playing on the radio. I couldn't hold it together anymore, I broke down and cried.  The song was "More beautiful You" by Johnny Diaz.  I am beyond frustrated with my weight. I think I cried because I felt the song was God's way of saying : Don't  give up; I am right here.

No matter what the numbers say, I know I will always have my Savior to pull me through when I'm having "One of those Days".








Endomorph macro nutrient ratio:

. . . . " in my Father's arms; in His time. "

Update: Catch is back.  Yes, I  was getting equipment to do some strength training and I looked up to see his tall, sexy dark features. It will soon be a year since the first time I laid eyes on  him. It is sad and bordering on pathetic I don't know any more about him, than I did almost a year ago.   He still grabs my interest every time he walks in the room.  I still have not said two words to him, nor do I know his name. I probably never will. I know the confidence to approach him will not be there until I am within reach of my target weight.  No one likes rejection, this is how I feel this will turn out should I venture to take a chance. Just going to stay in my lane and do what I do best: Me.

I have to confess I have a weakness many people don't know about.  My weakness is a good smelling man. I don't know what it is, but the right smelling cologne is like Superman's "kryptonite" for me and I am done; weak at the knees and all.   I was in my local Trader Joe's on one of my routine visits and I turned the corner to go down the next aisle and smelled the most amazing man.  I couldn't see him because He had just turned the corner. I tried catching up to him so I could get in a full good whiff before he realized.  When I turned the corner I didn't expect to see a grand father that had probably gotten it as a gift from one of his grand kids. He was with a woman ,so I got my whiff and moved on. At my church Wednesday we had communion, so we had the little cups left over.  One of the deacons was at the back of the church collecting the cups.  He smelled so good  I wanted to turn around and go back inside to get another whiff.  I kept it moving though, I didn't want to be thinking anything I shouldn't in church of all places.

I started this blog to chronicle my weight loss journey. Each blog post I try and write something about my journey.  I also try and change things up regularly, to stay motivated mostly. This  time I was unsure what  to write about.  I have talked about the physical side and the eating side.  I think it may be time to address the emotional side. I have been mulling around this idea; and now I have the opportunity to act on it.  I was unsure, and then I got a fortune cookie that read:

I also try and write about my Savior each time I submit a post.  I am at a place right now in my relationship with Him that I have never been before.  You would have to know that I have been classified as single, and passively looking  for some time.  Lately, I have found myself more conscience of my desire to find  my best friend; someone to love and to love me.  Right now, I feel as though I am wrapped comfortably in the arms of my Savior.  My Savior has provided anything and everything I could need and want.  He forgives for me, gives renewed mercies and loves me like I could have never imagined.  I asked my Father to settle my spirit until He was ready to send the guy my Father wanted for me. I just feel so blessed and loved. I am thankful, for this time in His arms.  I am thankful for this time in His presence and getting to know my King  better. Who ever the guy is, I will gladly wait here in my Father's arms; in His time.  

". . . while it was still dark. . . "

Worship Night In America, NYC: Madison Square Gardens. I want to go.  Its Saturday,August 8th.  I have a goal and target in sight.  I can fly in Friday night and  back Monday morning. That is a hotel for the weekend.  This gives me 4 months to get to drop another 30 lbs. This can be done. 

I want you to go with me. 

This year, like all the others, my church held three services on Easter.  Normally, we have two Sunday services: 9:30 am and 11 am.  I am a regular to the 11 am service. When my church requested the members that had been attending a while come to the 7:30 am service for Easter, I initially shot down the idea in my head ( This was what took place in previous years).  I don't know if my spiritual walk has matured or if God just put it on my heart.  I thought twice. I went to the bible ( when in doubt , what better place to go? ):Matthew 28:1; Luke 24:1; John 20:1.  All of them say the same; Mary Magdalene went   "at dawn";" early in the morning"; "while it was still dark" to the tomb. So I went to the 7:30 am service. I am glad I did, there was  pleasant surprise. 

I am now motivated to try and make it to athletic training earlier. My cousin has jumped on the co-signing bandwagon trying to convince me to come to the 5 am training.  My only argument is that it is 5 am, not even the rooster are awake at that hour.  Since, this is not a valid reason, I am going to try this week to make it to the 5 am training. Stay posted. 

I haven't seen Catch all week, I seen him once when I came back from Denver-but not since. Maybe this is a good thing.  I was really enjoying seeing him whenever I would go to the gym.  Perhaps, I enjoy seeing him work out a little too much and this a needed break.

Denver 2015

Wish you were here with. . . .



El Dorado Canyon:

 

Denver Botanical Gardens: