Hill of Beans

     I like trying new things.  My current plan of eating or meal plan calls for high amounts of protein and fibers and low to no carbohydrates, processed or "refined" foods.  It is more economical for me to  shop at Sam's for big quantities of protein like eggs, fish, chicken and shrimp. Veggies are the next food group to provide a good balance of nutrients and caloric content for energy.  The Flea Market is another good place besides Sam's club to get veggies.  I can make a mean spinach salad, but I need some more variety.  This lead me to take  a look around the food pyramid, where I found beans.
     This week I tried dark red kidney beans first. They were canned, but they didn't take  nearly as long, it was more heating up once they were washed.  The beans were swimming in this gooey juice, which was mainly preservatives. I read somewhere it is best to make the dry beans, to avoid this preservative goo.  I decided to go traditional southern on Friday and make black-eyed peas with smoked sausage.  This is the recipe I used:

Smoked Sausage and Black-Eyed Peas

(Adapted from Emeril Lagasse’s recipe)

12 – 16 ounces smoked sausage

1 cup chopped yellow onion

½ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon cayenne

4 whole cloves garlic

5 sprigs of fresh thyme

4 bay leaves

3 teaspoons finely chopped Italian parsley

8 cups chicken stock

1 pound dried black-eyed peas, rinsed and drained

1 tablespoon minced garlic

Minced green onions, to garnish (optional)

1. Slice the sausage and cook it in a large pot over medium heat to render some of the fat. (Mine didn’t yield much.)

2. Add the onions, salt, cayenne, whole garlic cloves, bay leaves, thyme, and parsley to the pan. Cook, stirring occasionally, for about 5 minutes, until the onion begins to soften.

3. Add the chicken stock, black-eyed peas, and minced garlic.

4. Bring to a boil, and simmer, covered for about 1 ½ hours, until the peas are tender. Serve garnished with green onions, if desired.

     This recipe was so simple, however I managed to make  it way more difficult.  You see I was putting off making dinner. Finally, I decided I was going to make the recipe above, using dry peas I bought at New Leaf Market.  The recipe said the peas were to boil for an hour and half.  Since I bought the peas in bulk, they didn't come with directions if they needed to be soaked or not.  I had a genius idea to not soak them first, but to put them on the stove on high heat.  Things were going really well at first, I was checking on them regularly and adding water as needed.  Then my friend called that I haven't talked to in a while. I am on my balcony when I hear this loud beeping noise. I was just thinking to myself, look somebody is somewhere burning something. When I walked back into the the kitchen, there was smoke everywhere.  

The smoke alarm was going off.  The smell of burnt beans permeated through the house. Surprisingly, once I removed the burnt beans on the bottom and cleaned the pot, the peas turned out really good.

     What I had not planned for was the aftermath.  Beans and peas have a lot of fiber, kidney beans and black-eyed peas especially.  It was not 30 minutes after I had finished dinner, my stomach started to do flip flops.  I ended up with the "bubble guts", and didn't even see it coming. My stomach was not used to all the fiber. 

I have a lot of other beans or peas I want to try.  I never realized how many lentils there were, green, orange, red, the list really goes on. I got two big bags of whole black lentils on clearance.  Looking forward to the new recipes using black lentils. 

     Numbers are can play a big part of weight loss. For me it can be a source of contention and anxiety.  Many people are so fixated on the number that they become obsessive. I tend to be upset because I feel there should have been more of a change in the number for the amount of work I have done. I hate having to factor in muscle gain. What I am trying to say is I tend to stay away from the scale, because I can get fixated on the numbers. I thought it would be healthy to look for other ways to show growth and success with maintaining a healthy lifestyle.  I found this, Non scale Victories:

                                     

                                   

                                       

     I have been really distracted lately, fantasizing about scenarios of this guy.    I asked God to just make it clear to me if I should try and pursue getting to know him better or not.  It finally clicked in my head today, to move on, this fantasizing was just in my head. Letting go is not easy, but if am to get anywhere, I need to focus.  

                                

                                   

Time to hustle and grind. . . .

                          

                                                                      Come back by Danny Gokey

Kids say the darnedest things.

Not gonna lie, been starting to slip. When stress creeps in, I am tend to start to lose focus and get off track. Signs are more noticeable.  As I think more, my eating has not been what it should be.  Eating out more times than I should, not taking lunch to work.  I have also noticed my water consumption has declined and I skipped my workout on Friday.  In theory, I postponed it until I felt more up for the work out.  At least, that is what I am telling myself.
It's funny how God reminds me.  Earlier this week, I agreed to volunteer for the Children's Ministry at my church.  Today I was running late getting to church, so I was glad when I finally walked through the door.  On my way to put my bag and iced coffee on the counter one of the most darling little girls asked "Are you having a baby?".   " No, I'm just chunky", I said. That is when I thought, kids say the darnedest things. I couldn't even be upset. I look at it as a "kid friendly" reminder to focus. Later it help her request to go outside, I ended up tossing the football around with one of the other kids.

Two new recipes on my list to try:

                          (Creamy Tuscan Garlic Chicken)




I am BBQing for the Memorial Day Weekend. I have chicken marinating, will roast some corn on the cob, and made coleslaw.  I went the vegan option for ribs, since Morning Star was on sale. I try vegan options from time to time.  My life is by no means perfect, but when i tell you I am blessed. I make mistakes and I sin. I am human, who isn't. Despite all of me, there is a joy my Father, the king has put in my heart. That joy is His love.

"Strength is not always loud"

I have this hope. . .

I am in my feelings again.  I have been working hard to stay on my grind, in order to avoid getting in my feelings.  Things just seem to not be going the way I want them to go.  I can't give up, though.  I was brought up to never say "can't", I think my mom would be okay with it used this way. To make sure my mom lives on, I won't give up.  Mother's Day this year was a little rough, but it was a good weekend. I got to "Live Service Out" and volunteer, I was blessed to be able to watch Shakespeare's "As You Like It" in the park underneath the stars with my daughter, and I visited my mom's grave site and planted flowers.  I am blessed and grateful that my Lord and King has taken care of all my needs.

It is a nice day out, which makes a good excuse to BBQ on the grill. I have a wine cooler that has had my name on it for about three weeks now.  Last week, I came across a recipe online.  There are a couple of my favorite super foods thrown together. The recipe is Warm Roasted Eggplant, Mushroom & Kale Salad:



This is awesome with some baked chicken or salmon and good for you. Warning: If you are not used to eating these foods, though they are good for you, your stomach isn't really gonna know what is happening and may react accordingly.

I tend to be a  minimalist when it comes to social interactions and developing relationships.

Recently the realization came to me, I love being of service, and problem solve, and will not run from a challenge. On the other hand I have a hard time trusting others. What this translates as I will be there to help or  when there is a problem and support is needed; but I am off to something else once the issue is resolved. Essentially, I would be available when needed, but would rather return to doing task or taking actions instead of getting to know or build relationships.

I try to get out weekly and be social. Today after my weekly outing, I felt even more like wanting to disconnect. I want to retreat, to me alone and revert back to comfort zone. In my head, I am in my feelings. I want to stop going to these weekly social outings and go at this alone.

I am not going to give up, I can't give up. My progress may slow, but I am still moving forward.
My situation seems rough at times, my journey feels so long. I look to God, and put my trust in Him. He is my strength and grace, I am most thankful for His love.  I find my hope in Him.

Doubts, fears and insecurities.

I cant sleep. Likely because I took a nap earlier. I have been reading, but my mind keeps making it's way back to this guy.  I talk to God about him, something that is new for me. I have asked God if I can love him. You know  for a sign, or confirmation that I can let go and love him. I am beyond afraid, though. Afraid he doesn't feel the same, afraid that even, if he does, I am going to mess up.  I have been told I am not easy to love.  Would he stick it out when my insecurities and doubt start flooding in? Would he think it is too much work to love me and leave?  An ex boyfriend once told me he could not love me the way I wanted.  My ex left me feeling as though something was wrong with me.   I fear this guy, can love me.  I fear the potential I see in his heart to love me inspite my imperfections.  What shall I do with myself if he is the answer to my prayers? How can I sleep when my soul seems to want to dance or catch up with an old friend.  What do I do should God says its okay for me to love him.  Should my heavenly Father give His blessing, what then?  I love hard, with all that I am. But am I worthy? God speak to me, I need to hear from you. 
I keep reminding myself to stay grounded.  If he wanted to talk to you, he would call. He could message also. Then I remeber: He is dating, don't make a fool of yourself. My heart has been broken into a million pieces before.  I try every distraction and tact know to man to try and not think about him. Nothing works, especially when just seeing his smile makes my day brighter.

These are the thoughts running through my mind at almost 2 o'clock in the morning. I'm not sure if I should even publish this, these are just some feelings I wanted to get off my mind.

Happy Earth Day

I wanted to know when Earth Day was, since a friend mentioned it and was not sure if it was Friday or Saturday.  When I did a little research online, this is what I found:

When is Earth Day 2017? This observance always falls on April 22. On Earth Day, enjoy the tonic of fresh air, contact with the soil, and companionship with nature! Walk through the woods in search of emerging wildflowers and green moss. Go outside, no matter what the weather!

WHAT IS EARTH DAY?

Ever wondered how Earth Day started? This observance arose from an interest in gathering national support for environmental issues.

In 1970, San Francisco activist John McConnell and Wisconsin Senator Gaylord Nelson separately asked Americans to join in a grassroots demonstration. McConnell chose the spring equinox (March 21, 1970) and Nelson chose April 22.

Millions of people participated, and today Earth Day continues to be widely celebrated with events on both dates.

The most common practice of celebration is to plant new trees for Earth Day.

EARTH DAY ACTIVITIES AND IDEAS

Celebrate Earth Day!

• Plant wildflowers! See our article, Wild About Wildflowers.
• Go native! Plants thrive when they’re natural to your area. See our article on natural landscaping.
• Bring nature into the garden with plants that attract butterflies.
• Try an organic vegetable garden. Here are tips on organic seed-starting.
• Conserve water. See our tips on a water-wise garden.

Old Farmer's Almanac: http://www.almanac.com/content/when-earth-day-2017


I had forgot all about the Farmer's Almanac, the only place I ever seen one was when I went to visit my grandparents.  My grandparents have a farm in Monticello, we used to visit and stay with them during summer and holiday vacations.   In celebration of Earth Day I  have decided to cook outside on the grill, and stay on my eating plan. Dinner will be BBQ chicken and roasted brussel sprouts.

Last week was Easter, there was a lot going on. Everything I made was low-carb, high protein.  We had ham, green bean casserole, cauliflower (potato) salad :

It was really good, I made it just like regular potato salad, except with Greek yogurt instead of mayo. I also made a carrot cake, without white flour or sugar.  I used coconut flour and fax seed as substitute:  

I wanted to try something I had never tried before, so I also made tri-color roasted carrots: 

These were all easy to make, were really good and didn't leave me with Holiday eating regret: 

We had a lot of fun on Easter, we were invited over to the Campbell's who always make us feel like family.  The Campbell's are family from our church.  I usually spend Christmas alone because my daughter is with her father, this past Christmas, they invited me to spend Christmas with them. It was a lot of fun, we played this card game called "BOB", so much fun. 

Today I visited Sam's to pick up groceries for the week.  As I was leaving, a lady heading out the door looked at my buggy and asked, how do you make brussel sprouts. I explained to her that I roast them in the oven with salt, pepper and drizzle with olive oil. They are so good this way, I told her I put them in my omelet in the morning or in a frittata, not to mention they are filling and really good for you.  She said she had bought some once and boiled them, since she didn't like them, she never tried  again. 

                                                     

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (205 degrees C).
2. Place trimmed Brussels sprouts, olive oil, kosher salt, and pepper in a large resealable plastic bag. Seal tightly, and shake to coat. ...
3. Roast in the preheated oven for 30 to 45 minutes, shaking pan every 5 to 7 minutes for even browning.

Roasted Brussels Sprouts Recipe - Allrecipes.com

allrecipes.com/recipe/67952/roasted-brussels-sprouts/ 

                    Love this song and the video is pretty cool too. I wanna go back by David Dunn

Forgiveness

So my favorite radio station decides to launch a World's Biggest Small Group in the spring (Which reminds me I am behind on readings).  The theme is Forgiveness and this is my testimony.  I will admit when I heard forgiveness was the theme, I thought, eh this doesn't really apply to me. I decided to go along with the study, besides it could not hurt.

Today's  message was:  

So watch yourselves.
“If your brother or sister[a] sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4 Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”- Luke 17: 3-4

One of the Artist gave a testimony of when he was in college and had to exercise forgiveness.  This got me to thinking; I tend to let things go pretty easily. There isn't anyone that I need to give forgive.  Little did I realize, I still have to renew that forgiveness.
     For some reason my father came to mind, my earthly father, his name was Freddie.  Perhaps it was because he was the last and biggest forgiveness of my life. My father and I were estranged most of my life. I can count on both hands the times we spent together or the memories we shared.  I loved my grandfather like my father, but we didn't live with my grandparents.  One would think growing up without a father would not make that much of  difference. Fast forward 20 years and I am blogging about it instead of going to a Therapist. The only unforeseeable set back was a girl who would eventually turn into a lady that  didn't know how to be loved  or relate to a  man.
    Several months ago, it became evident, I had unresolved feels.  I was scrolling through social media (which may have been where I began to go wrong), and I came across a meme. I have looked and looked for the meme, but not been able to find it.  It said something to the effect of: Just because a guy is nice to you, does not mean he is interested in being in a relationship with you. The meme immediately made me feel I was lacking in tools and foundation.  I felt at a disadvantage.  It was then that I realized I had to forgive my father.
     You see at the time there was a guy that was being really nice to me and I found myself attracted to him and interested in getting to know him more. He was not doing anything overly nice or out of the ordinary (though, I wish he would). He was just being a good guy. I have always been attention deprived when it comes to men, which leaves me hyper sensitive and vulnerable.  To me, it felt like I was desperate and at a disadvantage. No one really wants to feel desperate, this really made me upset.

I had so many questions for my father. I had no one to show me how a man is suppose to treat a woman.  I wondered why my father didn't come to visit me in the hospital when I had surgery at 12.  I wanted to know why he was in the lives of his other children, but not in my life.  Was there something I didn't have? Was there something wrong with me that my father didn't love me or tell me he loved me.   My father was said to have problems with substance abuse.
     I often times think I am unworthy of being loved, because the man that was to show me, never got around to it.  This is not to make me out to be the victim, but just me putting some of the things that cross my mind in writing.  I have also thought that a person from a home with both parents may not want to be with a person from a broken home.  I know it sounds crazy, but I have thought about it, trying to make it work may be more of a challenge.  Not everyone is up for taking this on, I know it is going to take a special man to love me.

My father died in 2013, I never got the answers to any of my questions. I never went to a Father- Daughter dance or know the bond or experiences of being a Daddy's girl.  Now, I could hold on to resentment and unresolve, letting  it consumed me.   Or I could forgive him, I could let it go, and hope again.  I can give the broken pieces of my heart over to my Savior, for Him to fix.  Which is what I did, that day I saw that meme, I cried and left the pieces of my broken heart at the feet of the King.  Only He could turn the broken pieces into something as beautiful as forgiveness.

                                          
                                       

New Season, New Goals.

Spring has sprung! March 21st marked the official start of Spring.  Things have been going non stop. The 24th of March was my birthday, then the Spring Fling Picnic in the park, this past weekend was the city's annual Springtime Tallahassee and this weekend coming up, I am attending another spring  birthday party for an awesome 6 yr old.  As I transition into this new season with all these events and activities, it is easy to forget things. I almost forgot to refresh my healthy lifestyle journey.  I thought about what I want to revamp and work or focus on.  I came up with two things; one for daily diet and the other for physical health.  The two things are no flour/ gluten-free and stronger core. I decided to try flour/ gluten free because I want to cut out processed foods. Flour and gluten are  major player when it comes to processed foods. I chose to work on my core because core engages the most muscles. Engaging the most muscle at time burns more calories, so it makes sense to me to work the core.  I have already revised my plan of eating, focusing on high protein. My biggest obstacle was going to be bread, you know sandwich bread.  It did not take long to switch to turkey bacon or whole wheat.  Bread was going to be a lot more challenging.  At the picnic in the park, a friend brought bread, which was flour free.  I took this as a great opportunity to try some of the breads out there. These are the two I have tried.
The Ezekiel 4:9 bread was the one I saw at the Picnic, this comes frozen in the frozen food section.  Of course, it takes getting used to.  The bread is made up of mostly grains so the texture is different. I will say I toasted it the first time and seem to like it better toasted.  The bread is more filling than regular white bread or whole wheat bread.

The second bread it Fitness Bread.  Less expensive than the Ezekiel bread, but even more dense. One thing different about this is that it comes as one long slice, which I kind of like. This bread has a taste like Rye bread, with a thick nutty texture.  I like to toast for breakfast.  

For my core, I went onto Pintrest, to look for more core engaging exercises.  To be honest, I go to Pintrest  for all kinds of ideas.  I have designed my dream walk-in closet, planned my wedding and handbag stalk.  I still have not gotten the Smith Florentine bag in natural by Dooney and Bourke. 

I am not going to lie, I have been cyber stalking this bag for years now.  I just can't see myself paying three to four hundred dollars for a bag. 

On Pintrest, I found some core workout, exercises and challenges. I have not done any yet, I want to develop a good rotation of core exercises to keep from getting bored.  I did make sure I worked on my core last time I went to the gym.  Today, I will do some sets on the stability ball.

I would like to focus on these new goals, but underneath it all, I am creating a diversion or distraction. From what? From thinking about this guy.  If I keep my focus on the goals at hand, I wont keep finding myself day dreaming about this guy.  To be honest, it isn't working; it is helping, but not keeping my mind from wondering, from dreaming.  What if? I find myself talking to God about it.



I heard this song while I was in Tampa, when I back I heard again and fell in love.