Day 8 of 21

It has been a while since I have posted, a lot has changed.  I have cut out a lot of things in my life to make room for a lot of new things.  Let me explain day 8 of 21.  I was on social media and I came  across a post of "Life Hacks" and there was 21 day life hack to help feel better.   Life Hack #1552:

The responses to this post were hilarious.  Many people said they would not be able to "hack it" so to say. The last two were where most people got hung up: the chocolate and the ice cream.  After I ate the rest of the ice cream I had in the freezer, I took another look at the list and thought to myself-I can do this. I would definitely be able to do this if I had a buddy, but most of  the people I had in mind were not as optimistic as I as was-very much like the comments that were posted. Most of this I already cut or limited in my diet. Though I have a candy basket at my desk, I can resist the urge, for 21 days, at least.  I thought there wouldn't be a problem with" No cake".  Then on day 8,  I went to a birthday party and had cake, alright I had two slices (they were normal size, instead of the "hunks", I would have at home alone.)-with ice cream. This was way less cake and ice cream than I would normally eat, and after the birthday party I went back to a no cake and ice cream.  Chips were never a problem because I try not to buy chips or bring them home.  I purchase pretzels for my daughters lunch and have organic cheese puffs for me. White bread is not brought home, ever.  Fast food was almost where I got hung up. However, I have been trying to cut back so I just had to be a little more conscious.  I consider fast food anything you can pick up in a drive through.   I had already sworn off the top fast food chain, McDonald's for one of my new year resolutions. On day one of 21 days, (Friday,  April 1st) I had planned to swing through KFC and grab grilled chicken (I always get the grilled chicken, its so good), instead I went to Sam's Club and got one of their huge Rotisserie chickens for only $5 already made in the deli.  I could still have my favorite Chinese, even though I haven't. Recently, I have tried Chipotle for the first time, which is also still an option.  Chocolate is considered candy to me, so that was already cut out above. I just had to finish the ice cream I had in the freezer, which was just about done. with only one serving remaining.
I could think of some more things that could have been added like no soda, no butter, or no white rice.  I decided to add some things to the list.  For one, more fruits and vegetables: cantaloupe, honey dew, strawberries, and pears (high in fiber)  Second, more fiber, I looked up the daily recommended value for fiber, 25-30 grams.  I remembered I lost more inches when I increased the amount of daily fiber I consumed.  Finally, more water, you can never seem to get to much of this stuff.  I have been feeling better, so the cut back on all the above  and and increase on fiber and water seem to be helping.

I also found other outlets to deal  my issues with food, a haven I guess you could say where I can work through and not feel judged. God works in amazing ways, I still feel shame and embarrassment, but I have a way to sort through it all now.  Thank you, Jesus.

I have had to cut out some unhealthy relationships too. There are no prospects or guys, but I am praying and learning to trust in my Savior the King. This is the hardest thing for me,  trusting.  I know God has a plan for me, He has a guy for me that is the best of who He wants for me.  I sometimes feel there will never be a guy that will love me though.  Yeah, I have gone to some of the  not so  reputable  sites and have been told I am beautiful.  But it is hard to even hear this when friends, family and people around me are getting married, starting families and I have no prospects or  anyone in the ball park.  I start to feel as though there is something wrong with me or I am unable to be loved, unworthy.  I no longer hear the "your beautiful", I just feel the alone.   There are standards I have, I don't want to go running out and falling for the first guy that shows me attention. So, I pray and trust in Him.  

Lauren Daigle has a song that helps me remember when I realize my trust in my Father the King is wavering:

                       

"When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk throughWhen You don’t give the answers as I cry out to YouI will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!"

This is the hardest for me, but I will trust in Him. . . .