I just finished watching my new favorite television show: This Is Us. I don't get a chance to watch very much television now a days. This is Us is kind of like my little entertainment indulgence. I have class on Tuesdays and then end the night with this warming and heart grabbing show. Today, one of the characters said: "I have nothing to give". When I heard this, things just made sense. I've want so badly at times to freely give of myself and love hard. All the while day dreaming of the love I will receive in return. I love hard and with everything in me. What if there is nothing there. I get it now. For some, life has thrown a lot at them, and it takes everything inside of them to keep it together. They just don't have anything to give. I am sorry, it took this long for me to understand. I get it now and can not ask someone to give what they do not have.
My anxiety has been rather high lately causing my eating to be hit and miss. When I take time to plan ahead, I do pretty well. I eat healthy meals and stay within my food plan. When I do not plan ahead, things go a wry, I stress eat.
I had a big presentation today, which didn't go the way I wanted. I am struggling with my career. My GPA is not be where it needs to be; I not have the clinical laboratory or research experience I need to show on my CV. I have taken a long time to get my degree, been busy being a mom. I refuse to give up. I may not have the position I want; I may not learn by conventional ways of learning. What I can say is that I won't give up. I know my worth, and though I struggle to "sell myself", I will. I will do what they say I can not do, I will be who they say I can not be.
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