Gut Punch

Today I took what felt like a gut punch right to the heart.  There is this guy I have mentioned a couple of times, that I have been interested in getting to know better.  I am at a mature point in my life, where it would be ideal to go on a date with him.  No, I have not let him know my feels, for various reasons.  I digress, today I find out some good news and some bad news.  The bad news is it has nothing to do with me, which I would have liked. The good news is he is dating, which is what he wanted. I think I put on a strong front pretty well.  What I mean to say is I hope the disappointingly disheartening look on my face was not easily read. Once more, the strong me kicks in and I keep it together.  It took a moment  for me to process how I was feeling.  My initial instinct was to think where is fresh baked cake and a pint of ice cream when you need it.  I recently reevaluated my plan of eating, and wanted to stick to my plan of eating.That was out of the question.   Besides, I cleared out all the junk food I could binge on,, there is mainly fruits and protein. I reached out to some girlfriends and talked through my feelings as something to do besides eating. This really helped.  I called my "Bestie" in Colorado and talked to her. She asked me a very interesting question.  She asked me if I regretted not saying something to him.  That is what I love about her, she isn't afraid to ask me the tough question, the ones I don't want to ask myself.  I found thinking, "I may just not have been his type or he wasn't interested in getting to know me" useful rationalization for dealing.     The premise of doing the list of work set before me as a distraction seemed well in theory. In actuality, I  caught up on sleep and took a nap. Now I at my computer on Saturday night with two Redbox movies: Kevin Hart "What Next" and "Loving".  No longer will my silly girl thoughts of what could be if he would just ask me out cross my mind.  I am thinking of mature things now, should I open a bottle of red wine or make a new mixed drink?

I heard this after I heard. This helped me smile:   Jordan Feliz Beloved