Thankful.

     Thankful.  I have so many blessings of which I am thankful.  Don't get me wrong or let my appearance fool you.  I get depressed and I have anxiety. This weekend I was reminded, if we keep our blessings in focus and what God has done for us, the negativity and anxiety subsides.  What could I be anxious about? Well, finances for one.  My daughter's school tuition will be due again in a few months and will need to go shopping for school clothes and  supplies.  I have been looking for extra work, or some place I can get in hours, but getting no where.  This would have sent me to drown my worries in a whole cheesecake in the past. I have learned from experience, I am not going to get the relief I am looking for nor am I going to feel any better after I devour cheesecake.  I am blessed to have gained knowledge and tools over the years to deal with this anxiety.  I also want to get my passport this year, get back in school and work on furthering some other projects.
     So, I am thankful for having a roof over my head, food in my fridge, clothes on my back, reliable transportation, the health of my self and my daughter (though I am overweight, I know there are people who were not able to get up or out of bed without the assistance of another)  and so much more.  As I sit here looking around my place, I realize what I am most thankful for is the love of my Savior.  He has always provided for me, when I was unsure about moving, he made a way.  When I tried to get my daughter in her current high school, He made a way. When I wasn't sure how I was going to pay for her tuition last year, He made a way.  I make mistakes and fail, I am human, I have doubts fears.  I should be comfortable in just knowing He has always provided for me in the past. He has always been there to see me through the rough times.  It is through these times praying, focusing on the humility and being thankful have gotten me through so much anxiety and heart ache.
     I am also thankful for God's timing.  Being grateful for his timing is hard.   I am grateful that I am not in a loveless, affection less marriage, that I am not tied to someone in the eyes of God and feeling alone.  I couldn't imagine anything more heart breaking. Expecting to have your needs met, whether it be physically with affection, emotionally, or otherwise by your partner, yet not getting what you need, can be overwhelming.  It takes both people in the relationship working hard to make sure they are doing everything possible to be help for the other person.   I do not mind hard work, one might even say I like hard work.  The return on hard work is normally good, if not great.  My thinking is if you work hard, you can play hard without any worries.   All around me I keep hearing the saying "God's timing" lately.  I can not see the whole picture like God can, so I get worried, and even afraid.  Afraid, because like a child being away from their parents for the first time, a teen going off to college or a mom giving birth for the first time, you do not know what is going to happen.  I watched a movie this weekend that helped remind me, that I may not know what is coming up ahead or anything for that matter, but I know God will be there with me.
    The movie I watched this weekend, that helped me arrive at this new outlook was the Shack. Disclaimer, I cried for at least half the movie.  The movie was about forgiveness and love, two of the most hardest things a to deal with in this walk through life.  It is amazing, that we learn how to deal with it because of how we were taught by our Savior, the King. Thanks, Papa.
Keep Your Eyes On Me:


                                    





                                                     



 



This guy is my absolute favorite public figure.  When I am down, I just look online and he always says something uplifting and inspirational. He has such a respect for women, it helps me keep hope there is a guy it out there for me still, I just have to wait for God's timing.  I happened to be looking for the song to post on this blog and found this video of Daniel E. Henderson.

He is funny to boot and sexier than anything.  He is sensitive and strong, not to mention brave enough to share is journey online and it is amazing.